Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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