no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
