He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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