Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
