its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Randomize
