I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
