I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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