I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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