i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
