what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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