i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
