yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
