where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He better not be in your backpack
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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