high people should be assigned attendants
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
