Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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