For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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