Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
