when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
zippers are such a cool invention
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Randomize
