Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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