Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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