I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
