babies were throwing up all over the place
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
