i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
This girl is more easily done than said...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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