you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I intend to get homeless drunk
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
