How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
