Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
