escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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