Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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