I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
