Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
