The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
