he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
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