I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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