happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
