Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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