One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
