girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
