so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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