i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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