Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I AM VODKA MAN
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
