Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
