How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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