She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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