Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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