Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
