whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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