I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
