U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
