i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
