Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
