do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
