You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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