Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
